Potty Wars Part Deux

My child rearing philosophy has its roots in one simple concept. You are raising children to become adults. So think about what you do because otherwise they will end up on a therapist's couch one day and you'll end up getting an angry letter about how you screwed them up. Yeah this may happen no matter what, but I would like to minimize that as much as possible.

So, keeping that in mind, I have resisted this thing.

It's a musical potty seat. Great concept but I have had this (probably paranoid) idea, that teaching a child that they will get music and applause when they potty is setting the stage for a problem later. I also don't talk baby talk to my kids for the same reason. There is no pre-determined age to stop. So we end up with people who still use baby talk to their kids when they are seven.

Well after my two year old showed almost no interest in using the potty, I buckled when she flipped out in Wal-Mart for this thing. I figured if nothing else, I have a seven month old who may need a potty seat later.

I need not have worried. As soon as we got home, two year old BEGGED to use it. I took it out of the box, placed it on the floor and she promptly peed. She loved the music and went three or four more times that day. The downside: she wants to go to the bathroom every thirty minutes. Somewhere in there I have other things to do, like you know...eat, feed the baby...

Army Wife, also known as Super Wife

For those who don't know, my husband is in the Army. So like most Army/military wives, I have to do a lot of double duty when he is not home. Being an Army Brat means I am even more adept at some of these things than the average wife, because I grew up doing extra chores as the oldest. Recently I had to travel to Ft. Jackson, SC for the culmination of some training my husband had to go through. Since he has been gone, I have had quite a few well-meaning (?) comments and suggestions at how to take care of things.

I realize that not everyone knows how to do some of the things I can do, but I can't help but be annoyed. Some of the comments were from men who reminded me that their mom/wife/girlfriend/sister/daughter doesn't know how to check oil/put air in her tires/mow the lawn, etc. But sadly quite a few of the comments were from women who told me "I couldn't do it alone" when they realize I am alone with the kids. I told them that they could if they had to, but I had to wonder about some of them. I actually met several women on base who told me how they moved in with their parents or in-laws when their husband had to go train. I'm sorry; I just don't get it. I have four kids and I'll be damned if I move to someone else's house every time my husband has to leave town.

Some of the gems:

"What are you going to do with the kids while you're driving?".
What I wanted to say: "I am going to tie them to the roof for the entire seven hour trip".
What I actually said: "What do you mean?" Which usually seemed to make the person backpedal.

"Are you going to take the kids with you?"
This one bothered me because the person who was asking usually knew that the kids haven't seen their dad since FEBRUARY. Why on God's green earth would I NOT take the kids and go alone?
My response: "Why wouldn't I take them? I think Hubby wants to see them too".

I was pouring oil and windshield wiper fluid in my vehicle and mail man walks up asking me "do you know what you are doing?"
What I wanted to say: "Nope. I just thought I would pour all of these into random holes and see what happens."
What I actually said: "Well, it would be kind of silly for me to mess up seeing as how the caps have LABELS saying 'oil' and 'wiper fluid'."

And the coup de grâce of silly questions:
"Do you know how to get to South Carolina?" This was asked the NIGHT BEFORE I left by Hubby's friend who calls to check on me from time to time while Hubby is gone.

My answer: "No, I was going to get on the I-10 and ride until I saw a sign saying South Carolina". (For the geographically challenged: South Carolina is nowhere near I-10 which runs east and west. If you keep following it you eventually run into either the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Florida or the Pacific Ocean off the coast of California).

**Yes, my actual answers and "wanted to say" answers are not very far apart....but I have picked up quite a bit of smartass-ishness since being married to Hubby...the original smartass.

Late Night TV

I watch a lot of TV. Scratch that, my TV is on a lot. I was a latchkey kid as a child and the TV was comforting to me. Without it I heard every squirrel on the roof, bird in the yard and car driving by and would run into my hiding spot with the phone ready to dial 911. I also sleep with the TV on for partially the same reason. (The other part is because my great-grandmother who raised me slept with the TV on and I can't sleep when its too quiet.)


In spite of all the TV I watch, I am still amazed at some of the stuff I see on late at night. Enter the show "Eye for an Eye". This was not the worst judge show I have seen, but it was pretty bad. First of all, when the bailiff (who is named Big Sugar Ray - SMH), calls the court to order, he YELLS and throws his hands in the air like a heavyweight champion. Then the crowd (yes, crowd not the gallery or spectators...), stands and yells "Extreme Akim" over and over again. Think Jerry Springer and you have the idea. (I will not comment too much on the voices not matching the people's lips...).

The first case was a guy who forged a doctor's signature on some prescription pads to get drugs so he could get high. High being the keyword here, because after he was found "guilty", Extreme Akim, ordered the defendant hoisted into the air telling him "you want to get high, now you are high". He let the guy swing long enough to ask him "are you going to get high again?" The guy of course said no and then he let him down to be "arrested". Maybe I am missing something. Is this all it takes for someone who is addicted to drugs to kick the habit? Humiliation? I guess drug courts missed this approach.

I could go on but I actually found myself getting irritated at the show. Why? Because in my opinion shows like this make it easy for people to think its okay to act an ass in a courtroom. I taught at a university for a bit and of the questions I got repeatedly from students was "are those judge shows real?" and "are those actual licensed attorneys on those shows?". The students seemed to feel that the silliness and comedic issues on the shows either meant the show wasn't real or judges really behave that way. Sadly I had to admit that they are licensed attorneys. This was an undergraduate college course and the fact that they questioned the reality of says a lot. I thought for years I was being a legal snob in thinking that that some (if not most or all) of these shows were stupid. Now, I see that they are possibly giving the average person more fodder for lawyer jokes.

Topic #2 on "I should write about this more in depth"...: How do judges shows affect the effectiveness of our judicial system?

Potty Wars

As a mother of four, I know better than many, that each child is truly different.

The newest conundrum: motivation for potty training. With my oldest two I used M&Ms. I also used "pretty big girl undies" for my oldest. My son just loved the idea of "boys can go standing up and girls can't". Yes, I know the dangers of using food to motivate, etc, but it worked. For some reason, my kids don't really eat a lot of sweets. I have had many cakes, cookies, and candy go bad in my house. I did go through a stage of thinking it was my cooking since baking is not my thing. But then I realized even at birthday parties, my kids are the ones who will say the cake is "too sweet". (I have an interesting story about how one lady heard my daughter say that and attempted to bond with me over what she assumed were our shared interest in 'all natural' holistic diets for our children. It was made particularly awkward since I had told the kids they could have McDonald's for dinner and they of course reminded me. Right.There.In.Front.Of.Her.)

So back to my two year old - I am sure when she is older the disinterest in candy will be a great joy but for now its causing a bit of frustration for me. She doesn't care about the M&Ms that she gets for using the potty. She got really excited for those two pieces of candy coated persuasion yesterday when she saw that she was getting them for using the potty, but apparently not excited enough. All day today and yesterday I kept offering it to her again, in an effort to get her to return to the potty. She looked at the candy, said, "I don't want" and went back to watching Elmo. I have an Elmo video that talks about going to the potty. She sings with him, points to the potty, but refuses to go. I explained that Elmo went potty and she took her Elmo doll and put him in the potty.

I give up. She will go when she is ready and I will have plenty of M&Ms on hand when that time comes.

Feminism

One of the more awkward issues I seem to have is when someone ask "what do you do". It feels kind of pitiful to say that I am a stay at home mom, but then I feel like I have nothing to be ashamed of because its quite an honourable thing. Then I feel ashamed of myself for feeling the need to justify it all. I find it really odd when someone introduces me to someone as a lawyer because that opens a whole other door of conversation that I don't care to go into.

So far I have taken to saying "right now I am a stay at home mom" and letting people assume. I actually get a kick out of people not knowing I have three degrees and talking to me like I am an idiot. I wait and then after they stick their foot in their mouth with some comment, I mention "well when I was in grad school" or "I had a professor in law school who said...". I love to watch them cringe.

What is it about our society that no matter how far women come, we are still seen as inferior or dumb if we stay at home with our kids? Isn't that part of the feminist movement? Having a choice? What's really interesting to me is that most of the women I know who are stay at home moms, all went to college and some beyond.

I am going to do a study or book or something on how many women stay home who have degrees or whatever. As soon as I figure out how to squeeze that in between all my other chores...

Been M.I.A.

There have been tons of storms here so I have kept the computer off quite a bit more than usual. Both the phone and the electricity have been off and on quite a few times and I have had very little time and motivation to blog or anything else. I really didn't want this to be a "vent" type of blog, but such is life I guess. I am uber tired now (I should really stop saying "uber - " but I can't think of a word that supersedes "really" right now), so I am going to bed now.

Gadgets and dentists

I got a new toy!! I shall ponder later how uncool I am when I consider cleaning supplies new toys? But I digress...

Its this thing from Dirt Devil.

I needed something that would get up the random items that my two year old drops on the floor. Okay the five and eight year old drop stuff on the floor too. You know what? I do it too I guess. At any rate, I don't like pulling out the vacuum every day. This thing is so easy to use I actually was able to use it with the baby in my arms. Pretty cool.

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We had to switch insurance about a year and a half ago and unfortunately we had to stop using the pediatric dentist we had. Normally not a big deal, but this dentist was the BEST! My eight year old would beg to go to the dentist. We are now back on an insurance plan that will let us use the same dentist again. Oddly though, when I called to make the appointment, the lady on the phone claimed we owed them $6.00 and that they wrote it off as a bad debt some time ago. The problem is that they actually owed US $6.00 and we just never went back to get it. I paid them a copay one day, they didn't have change, it was close to closing time so I said I would get it later. Hubby and I used to joke about that $6.00 when the gas prices spiked last year. Now they are saying we have "mark" on our record. (I guess like a permanent mark...tee hee.) I wonder if it will follow us to our next dentist. smile

So lesson learned. Always get your change.

Guilty Eating...

There is an alleged homeless guy who is always on a particular corner with a sign for food or money. I say alleged because one can never be sure. Here's the thing: He is always on this corner at the same time of day which is coincidentally the same time of day I may grab a bite to eat. So I pass this corner and he is standing there and I am in the car eating. Again, I have no clue if he is really homeless or not, but I always feel the need to stop eating when I am at this corner, in case he sees me. Don't get me wrong, I am a BIG supporter of helping others, but I had to learn to control my giving b/c I would stop all the time to help others. I once gave my umbrella to a homeless woman while it was raining, because I knew I could get another one. Then I sat in my car and cried because I couldn't do more for her.

So I don't know if this is my guilt or maybe I am over thinking it. I just can't feel right eating french fries and a milkshake while a man is begging for food less than ten feet away. (I tried giving a homeless person some food once - the fast food place gave me an extra burger on mistake - and the man wouldn't take it. I thought that was odd since I would think he would be happy to take it, but then again...).

Life is high school all over again

I had a mantra in law school about how life is high school in a loop. All through law school I saw the cool kids who sat together and partied together and ran SBA (Student Bar Association). I saw the not so cool kids who all joined the same organizations and were always talking about "the man" or trying to convince someone to be "different". Now being aware of all of this, I shouldn't be surprised at how often some people still act like the rules from high school apply.

I submit via Twilight Zone style a story of a woman. This woman has a disagreement with at least two people a year and its never her of course. Since we often are in the same social and professional circles she comes up from time to time as another person gets on her "_ish" list. We all let the person know, its not just them and not to worry about it and then we all have a laugh and move on. Well, one of the quirks of this woman is that she blogs incessantly about what's going on in her personal life. The name of the blog is always cryptic but the details are not and therein lies the reason she has lost a few friends. If you send her an email, it will show up on her blog. Leave a voice mail, the wav. file will be in her next day post. Write a letter, and she scans it in and its a PDF file for the word to see.

All of this wouldn't be so bad but she then emails her friends to read her blog, gets mad when they object to the posts and then passive aggressively posts items to talk at the person. Things like "I know you are reading this". I once asked her (before I was on the list) why she assumed that someone was reading her blog. She told me she checked her ...whatever the gadget is that allows you to see who is reading your blog. Apparently she checks it daily or twice a day. I will refrain from commenting on how I think that's a little paranoid. After venting via the internet, she then tells anyone who will listen and if you don't agree, well then you are on the list too. Silly, yes, but you try telling a lawyer that likes to argue, that she is not right. Did I mention she has been known to spend hours researching items to back up her point? It can be about hair products, silverware, carpet cleaners, or which McDonald's is the best in town. She decides that HFCS (High Fructose Corn Syrup) is bad for her, and now anyone who uses it is doomed to a life of health problems.

Well, the other day I am reading a friend's blog who I haven't talked to since high school. We recently found each other online and she is a born again Christian who homeschools her kids. I am thinking about trying homeschooling and I go to her blog. She has links to the side and long story short, one of the links takes me to the new blog of Twilight Zone woman above. Crap. I don't know how the gadget works and I have no clue if she can tell I was there, but I am so not in the mood for her new attacks.

How do you deal with someone who refuses to grow up? Do you sink to their level because that's all they understand or do you remain the adult in the situation?

Daytime TV

I haven't really been home before long enough to really watch daytime TV. If I was home, I would watch something I had recorded on DVR or maybe a movie channel. So the other day I thought I would check out some of the shows that seem to be a staple for stay-at-home moms, particularly since I am supposedly their target audience.

Ellen, I like her show and I like her, but I didn't care for the guests she had on so I guess that one is one I can catch if I know before hand who the guests are going to be.

Soap operas annoy me. They always have. Mostly because I don't like romantic sappy storylines and I think I like the one hour drama. I want loose ends tied up and not a bunch of "wait until tomorrow" continuations.

The View...wow. I have never been the type of person who sits around with a bunch of women and chats. Actually I really don't like doing it. My mother in law is this type of woman and this is probably one of the main reasons we don't get along well. My husband refers to it as cackling and while I laughed at the time, that's exactly what came to mind while watching The View. They were talking about an issue that seemed kind of interesting but I swear I have no clue who was saying what except for what the closed caption caught. (I leave it on because I can't always hear what's going on with the kids running around). So here's a sample of what the CC looked like:

I don't think that....we can all agree....
...Exactly....
....that's what I think they should do...
....but that's not what you said! You said you didn't like ....

This went on for a good fifteen minutes and then Whoopi says they are going to commercial. I felt very confused and sad all at the same time. Confusion about what was going on and then sad b/c I realize that there are tons of women who can filter out what was being sad and I am not one of them. I started to wonder if I have to be able to pass the View test before I can converse with other SAHMs. I guess I need to study more.

Its all in the way you look at it

I tend to take a "wait and see" approach to a lot of things in life. I hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. That being said, this life of mine is a new adventure. I spent lots of time making sure I had an education and lining my ducks in a row so to speak. All that culminated in where I am now: a stay at home mom to four children. I love my life, don't get my wrong, but from time to time I find myself wondering if I will get "dumb" by not using my skills. I do go out of my way to make sure that I stay up on current events and read the industry news, but until recently I didn't realize how I could have been using my education to manage the household.

In college one of my favorite classes was Criminal Behavior. In short, what makes criminals tick. This has turned into me watching random strangers in the park or stores who "look" like they are up to something. I swear the guy in the bookstore on Friday was a criminal waiting to happen.

While getting my master's I learned about intercultural relationships. This is a great asset when my oldest has a play date one day with the kids whose parents Asian and the next day with the kids whose parents are Muslim and then there's the kid with two mommies.

And last but not least, law school. I am constantly amazed at how his actions are similar to so many of my colleagues in the legal community. I am talking full fledged temper tantrums because they don't like the ruling, submitting things into evidence that have nothing to do with the subject, and my personal favorite, thinking that the louder you speak, the more right you are.

The local paper had an article about how day cares were closing down because of the failing economy. Maybe the workers could get a job at a law school being a referee, kissing boo-boos (bruised egos).